Winning elections shouldn't be a walk in the park

On November 3rd, incumbent mayor Ed Lee is lined up to win another term as mayor of San Francisco. Why? Because he is running virtually unopposed.

In just one day I obtained the signatures, filed the paperwork, and created a campaign to run for mayor. This is an experiment to prove that anyone can get involved in local politics.

my platform

Decoy Poop Escalators

(Also known as "Poop Honeypots") Decoy poop escalators will be built in every BART station, reducing cleaning and maintenance costs for the real ones.

Ban Billboards

I will tear these lame ass billboards off the 101 and have a bonfire on ocean beach with them. Bring refreshments.

Revitalize China Beach

I will turn the dilapidated coast guard building at China Beach into a bumper car race track for all to enjoy.

Sue Santa Clara for the Super Bowl

Levi's Stadium (and the Super Bowl) are not in San Francisco, yet Santa Clara keeps calling it the "San Francisco Super Bowl". I will sue Santa Clara to ensure the "Super Bowl Zone" never crosses the county line.

Make all walls pee-proof

I will make sure that every wall in this fine city is piss-proof, and change the city motto to "We Piss Back".

Open Public Restrooms 24/7

I will make obstructing a bathroom entrance a crime so our city doesn't smell like human shit and piss anymore.

Declare Dolores Park a "No-Flex Zone"

We get it, you have a startup. Stop trying to flex on us. Walking around Dolores park in your startup's hoodie with a bottle of champagne will be a punishable offense.

Fix the Mission with an EMP

I will solve the housing crisis by emitting an electromagnetic pulse once a month, clearing the mission of all evil tech electricity influence.

Turn Sutro Baths into something cool

Our beautiful cliffs are an open sore full of heroin needles and trash. I'll pick up the trash, fix up the trails, and turn this area into something we can be proud of.

Put WD40 on all BART tracks

BART is dangerously loud. In some areas up to 100 decibels (louder than a jack hammer). I'll throw some WD40 on it and we're good to go.

About

Find out about my organization, mission, our methods, and the results of my advocacy.

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